Nov 05, 2008
Defeated Mayor Candidate Bill Pantele Donates Leftover Campaign Funds To Red
November 5, 2008 | 1 Comment
Nov 04, 2008
17 Voters Dead In ‘Calculated’ Velociraptor Polling Precinct Attack
November 4, 2008 | 5 Comments
Just as Virginia Board of Elections officials had suspected, a pack of four velociraptors stormed a Richmond voting precinct early this afternoon, killing as many as 17 voters and leaving at least 30 more injured.
The ostrich-size dinosaurs – which move really fast and are basically the awesomest dinosaurs of all – appear to “have come [...]
Officials: Stupid Old People Having Trouble Working Polling Computers
November 4, 2008 | 1 Comment
Virginia Board of Elections officials are cautioning voters to be patient this morning as hundreds of “stupid old people” experience difficulty in operating the incredibly user-friendly voting machines.
The stupid old people, defined by officials as “some voters older than age 70,” are causing lines to backup all across the Richmond region as the elderly people cannot, for [...]
Lines Of Voters Stretching As Far Back As 1904
November 4, 2008 | 3 Comments
Undecided Voter Casts Vote For The Scrambled Eggs
November 4, 2008 | 2 Comments
Though he remains unsure of which presidential candidate to vote for today, Henrico County resident and undecided voter Adam Morsey, when faced with the meal-changing choice, decided to have his eggs scrambled at a local diner.
The election to have his eggs beaten, sprinkled with cheese, and cooked over a hot pan came nearly a half-second after a [...]
Nov 03, 2008
Mayor Candidate Dwight Jones Upset His Campaign Bobbleheads Didn't Arrive Before Election Day
November 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Lawrence Williams Temporarily Forgets He’s Running For Mayor
November 3, 2008 | 1 Comment
‘Oh Shit!’ underdog candidate reportedly says
Richmond mayoral candidate Lawrence E. Williams temporarily forgot that he is running for mayor, sources reported today, sending the political hopeful “into a tizzy” at a downtown cafe earlier this afternoon.
Seen with co-workers during lunch at Relish, the 56-year-old architect was overheard discussing the presidential race, his weekend outing on [...]
Bill Pantele’s Wacky Brother Barry To Play Alphorn At Election Night Party
November 3, 2008 | 1 Comment
Local Girlfriend Cuts Boyfriend-Interest Rate To All-Time Low
Fan District resident and girlfriend Audrey Rankin said yesterday that she has dropped her boyfriend-interest rate by nearly 74 points in a move that is expected to help stimulate her partner's investment into their two-year relationship.
The couple, according to Rankin, has been on the decline for the past six months amid boyfriend Andrew Adams' ...
