Just as Virginia Board of Elections officials had suspected, a pack of four velociraptors stormed a Richmond voting precinct early this afternoon, killing as many as 17 voters and leaving at least 30 more injured.
The ostrich-size dinosaurs – which move really fast and are basically the awesomest dinosaurs of all – appear to “have come [...]

Virginia Board of Elections officials are cautioning voters to be patient this morning as hundreds of “stupid old people” experience difficulty in operating the incredibly user-friendly voting machines.
The stupid old people, defined by officials as “some voters older than age 70,” are causing lines to backup all across the Richmond region as the elderly people cannot, for [...]

Though he remains unsure of which presidential candidate to vote for today, Henrico County resident and undecided voter Adam Morsey, when faced with the meal-changing choice, decided to have his eggs scrambled at a local diner.
The election to have his eggs beaten, sprinkled with cheese, and cooked over a hot pan came nearly a half-second after a [...]

‘Oh Shit!’ underdog candidate reportedly says
Richmond mayoral candidate Lawrence E. Williams temporarily forgot that he is running for mayor, sources reported today, sending the political hopeful “into a tizzy” at a downtown cafe earlier this afternoon.
Seen with co-workers during lunch at Relish, the 56-year-old architect was overheard discussing the presidential race, his weekend outing on [...]

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