Nov 04, 2008
17 Voters Dead In ‘Calculated’ Velociraptor Polling Precinct Attack
November 4, 2008 | 5 Comments
Just as Virginia Board of Elections officials had suspected, a pack of four velociraptors stormed a Richmond voting precinct early this afternoon, killing as many as 17 voters and leaving at least 30 more injured.
The ostrich-size dinosaurs – which move really fast and are basically the awesomest dinosaurs of all – appear to “have come [...]
Officials: Stupid Old People Having Trouble Working Polling Computers
November 4, 2008 | 1 Comment
Virginia Board of Elections officials are cautioning voters to be patient this morning as hundreds of “stupid old people” experience difficulty in operating the incredibly user-friendly voting machines.
The stupid old people, defined by officials as “some voters older than age 70,” are causing lines to backup all across the Richmond region as the elderly people cannot, for [...]
Lines Of Voters Stretching As Far Back As 1904
November 4, 2008 | 3 Comments
Oct 23, 2008
Pantele Wonders If He’s ‘It’ After Being Tagged On Facebook
October 23, 2008 | 2 Comments
RICHMOND – Moments after a friend tagged a picture of him on Facebook yesterday, city mayoral candidate William J. Pantele asked younger campaign staffers whether such an action meant that he was “It,” sources said.
“I’m still so new to this whole Facebook thing – what does tagging mean? So I’m like, ‘It,’ now, right?” Pantele [...]
Local Girlfriend Cuts Boyfriend-Interest Rate To All-Time Low
Fan District resident and girlfriend Audrey Rankin said yesterday that she has dropped her boyfriend-interest rate by nearly 74 points in a move that is expected to help stimulate her partner's investment into their two-year relationship.
The couple, according to Rankin, has been on the decline for the past six months amid boyfriend Andrew Adams' ...
