August 20, 2010
Seeking to make the establishment “a bit more laid back than it already is,” officials at Tiki Bob’s Cantina in Shockoe Bottom today announced a new club policy whereby pants, a common clothing item worn by millions of decent human beings while in public, will now be strictly optional.
The no-pants-necessary policy will allow clubgoers aged 18 and up to enter the North 18th Street nightclub – known for its 10-cent tacos, low-cost beverages served in plastic cups, and bros – without the same cover-ups required in all other bars and restaurants.
“We want our customers to feel comfortable and welcomed here, whether getting they grind on up on some young hottie or doing tequila shots out of a stranger’s belly button, so pantslessness is really just an extension of our core values,” said Tiki Bob’s general manager Robert D’Angelo as he filled a baby pool with a 50/50 mixture of Vaseline and chocolate pudding in preparation for an event at the club later this evening. “When you combine this new dress code with our recent no-shirt-required policy, it is our hope that more of our customers will realize that they can, if they desire, party up in here fully nude.”
Added D’Angelo: “Aside from the multiple piercings and lower-back tattoos.”
In addition to the updated dress code, Tiki Bob’s also announced several new specials, including Single Lady Saturdays sponsored by Axe Body Spray, Face Tattoo Tuesdays, and a coupon for free blood work with every purchase of a rum and Coke.
August 17, 2010
August 16, 2010
FBI Confirms: ‘This Is All Just So Terribly Confusing’
Virginia State Police on Friday arrested Richmond developer Justin French on multiple charges that stem from this whole thing involving him and a bunch of companies and contractors and money and these so-called historic tax credits, as well as a ton of other things having to do with real estate that are just way too complex for most people to fully understand.
The FBI and police are involved, and the guy is in a lot of trouble. That much is clear, officials said.
Beyond that, “we have no earthly idea what is going on,” said FBI spokesman John Deane, who has pored over documents pertaining to the case for nearly three weeks and still can’t comprehend any of it. “Obviously Mr. French has done some things that justify us having arrested him, that’s for sure, but please don’t ask me what those things are because real estate is a super complex topic and it’s really starting to make my head spin.”
According to sources who have no knowledge on the issue nor have any idea what a Ponzi scheme is, French may have been involved in a Ponzi scheme. Which, sources think, is similar to a pyramid scheme, only more complicated because there’s investors and bankers and people like that involved. Perhaps the charges could even have something to do with laundering or kickbacks or insider trading, whatever those things are.
We should also probably include some numbers in this article, just to be safe. So, $24.5 million, $1.8 million, $457,000, and 12.
French’s arrest on Friday at Richmond International Airport comes on the heels of an FBI raid at his Shockoe Slip offices amid questions about his use of historic tax credits to offset the cost of renovating old industrial buildings, along with a series of strategic defaults that would force an insurance underwriting giant to honest to God what in the hell are we even talking about? That was seriously like the world’s biggest run-on sentence ever and who knows if it even made any sense.
According to sources, this is some crazy shit, man.
“I think I saw something like this on one of those USA dramas one time,” said Richmond resident Bill Cole, noting he read somewhere that the French guy went to jail a few years ago for narcotics or guns or something like that. “Maybe this story will end up as a plot line in one of those shows, and they’ll film it in Richmond. Fingers crossed.”
Investigators said they are still combing through evidence against French, adding that they hope the term “lien” never pops up because a.) nobody really knows what that word even means and b.) they’re not even sure it’s spelled correctly.
August 12, 2010
Officials at the Richmond chapter of the National Foodie Association said today that the metro area has witnessed a 30 percent spike in the number of foods being wrapped in grilled cheese sandwiches.
“From hamburgers and hot dogs to chicken tenders and mozzarella sticks and everything in between – you name it, restaurants are sticking it inside of grilled cheeses,” said Richmond NFA chairwoman Brandon Fox, who claims to have once seen a restaurant put a grilled cheese sandwich inside of another grilled cheese sandwich.
“And while I don’t want to start rumors,” she added, “we’re even hearing that [barbecue restaurant] Buz and Ned’s may begin offering a full rack of ribs, cole slaw, and an iced tea inside of a G.C. as early as this fall.”
Fox said she was fine with the latest trend in foodstuffs, so long as it took people’s attention away from goddamn cupcakes.
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Guy Who Lives Above 3 Monkeys Tired Of Asking Everyone To Keep It Down
Nick Cavalieri, who has lived in the apartment directly above 3 Monkeys Bar and Grill since November, is getting "more than fed up" with having to continuously tell his neighbors to be quiet, the 30-year-old said today.
"Monday through Sunday, I hear those guys partying pretty much every night," Cavalieri said. The University ...
