Jul 14, 2009
Supermutant Wolverine Spotted In Richmond
July 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Famed X-Men superhero Wolverine was spotted in Carytown on Saturday afternoon eating and shopping, then was seen later in the evening at several parties throughout the Fan area, residents reported today.
The man-beast with bones made of the indestructible metal-alloy adamantium was likely passing through the Virginia capital on his way back to his home in British [...]
Jul 10, 2009
Lite 98 radio station host Bill Bevins told reporters this morning that while he is unsure of his weekend plans, his next 48 hours would “definitively” involve listening to Aerosmith albums at his Hanover County home.
“I know the boys have a soccer game in the morning, but after that, it’s kicking back with some ‘Back in [...]
Jun 29, 2009
City Names First CAROFLO
June 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment
City officials today named the first Chief Administrative Rolling On Floor Laughing Officer, charged with ensuring that Richmond residents are provided with a dose of laughter each day – particularly while rolling on the floor, if the situation is humorous enough.
John L. Warren, who came to Richmond from Louisville, Ky. after serving for three years [...]
Jun 15, 2009
NOT REALLY ORLANDO, FLA. – Looking to save money in a down economy, Chesterfield County parents Greg and Andrea McGlaughlin convinced their three young children on Saturday that a 30-minute ride north to Kings Dominion was actually a week-long trip to the Magic Kingdom in Orlando, Fla.
Throughout the course of the seven-hour visit to the [...]
May 05, 2009
Alternative Richmond newspaper Style Weekly today released its annual Muzak Issue, highlighting the best local retail stores, hotel lobbies and dentist offices that play the popular form of business background music.
“While our annual Music Issue that hit stands last week focused on talented local musicians, we wanted to take time to highlight those grocery stores, [...]
Apr 06, 2009
Mayor Still Chuckling Over That SNL 'I'm On A Boat' Video
April 6, 2009 | 1 Comment
In his Monday briefing today, Richmond Mayor Dwight Jones brought staffers up to speed on his agenda for the week, updated some preliminary budget figures, and revealed that he is unable to stop thinking and giggling about the Saturday Night Live video “I’m on a Boat,” sources said.
The song and video, a profanity-laced SNL Digital Short [...]
Mar 23, 2009
Bar-patronization routines were affected for the second straight week after the recent regionwide disruption to the gaydar system, a crisis now expected to last well into April, city officials said today.
During the weekend, thousands of heterosexual men and women – unable to make proper going-out decisions without fully-functioning gay-detecting technology – poured into bars and restaurants frequented largely by [...]
Mar 18, 2009
NBC12 Anchor Gene Cox To Get Wolverine-Reassignment Surgery
March 18, 2009 | 5 Comments
Well-known Richmond news anchor Gene Cox announced his intent during the regular 11 p.m. broadcast yesterday to undergo the highly-controversial Wolverine-reassignment surgery, which will transform the newsman into a mutant with bones of metal, 13-inch retractable claws and superhuman strength.
The grueling 47-hour procedure will fuse the NBC12 anchor’s skeleton of normal bone to an indestructible metal [...]
Local Girlfriend Cuts Boyfriend-Interest Rate To All-Time Low
Fan District resident and girlfriend Audrey Rankin said yesterday that she has dropped her boyfriend-interest rate by nearly 74 points in a move that is expected to help stimulate her partner's investment into their two-year relationship.
The couple, according to Rankin, has been on the decline for the past six months amid boyfriend Andrew Adams' ...
