‘Ever,’ Magazine Says

The Richmond Canal Cruise, a 40-minute informative tour of the city’s canal system and nearby walking areas, was named the saddest of its kind in the nation today by American Boat Cruiser magazine.

The honor, which carries with it a $2,500 fine, recognized the cruise’s depressing top speed of 3 miles per hour, its heartbreaking views of an electrical station, and its near soul-crushing passage under an aluminum plant – an aluminum plant, for Christ’s sake.

The tour also includes a brief glimpse of the Virginia Holocaust Museum, the magazine noted.

“From cities like New York and Chicago with their fantastic river boat rides showcasing their breathtaking skylines, we wanted to honor Richmond’s own boat cruise for being nothing like that,” said Majorie Todd, editor of American Boat Cruiser. “And did you know that, while on the ride, the tour guides inform passengers that the city’s canal system was designed by George Washington to connect the the eastern part of the river to the west for trade purposes? How could anyone torture people like that?”

The magazine offered several tips for improving Richmond’s Canal Cruise, including turning the three boats into artificial reefs, or just making the whole thing a shoot-the-chutes amusement ride.


10 Comments so far

  1. RANDY on July 27, 2010 9:33 am

    The brilliant leaders of the city ( for the last 40 yrs ) tore up the bed of the Kanawa Canal and put a toll road in its place. It is lost and gone forever. It is now the Down Town Expressway.

  2. John on July 27, 2010 1:51 pm

    It’s not too late to refill the expressway with water and return it to the state envisioned by our Founding Father’s.

  3. John on July 27, 2010 1:55 pm

    Fathers. Stupid apostrophe.

  4. NewsFeeds 7.30.10 : Richmond BizSense on July 30, 2010 5:52 am

    [...] S-A-T-I-R-E: Richmond Canal Cruise Named Nation’s Saddest Boat Ride, Ever (Tobacco Avenue) The honor, which carries with it a $2,500 fine, recognized the cruise’s depressing top speed of 3 miles per hour, its heartbreaking views of an electrical station, and its near soul-crushing passage under an aluminum plant. [...]

  5. Evan on July 30, 2010 8:24 am

    So, I love this take on the canal boat rides. You do have to use huge amounts of imagination to see the significance of the canal as presented by the city, however, I do see huge potential. So what’s missing?

    Part of the boat ride is within the flood wall and part outside the flood wall. The potential lies outside the flood wall. One side of the canal has the elevated train tracks with the other side have ground level train tracks as well as a portion of the city’s sewer control system (I think a large concrete stormwater containment tank). In addition, at the end of the canal is a rather unique cantilevered train bridge over the canal and the canal lock used to enter the James River (also non functioning).

    So, where’s the potential? Build restaurants, bars and shops on either side of the canal over and under the train tracks, create boat tie ups along the edge of the canal, get the cantilevered train bridge working as well as the canal lock and allow boats to enter this portion of the canal system. The tour boats act as taxis and take visitors in and out of the lock as well as along the James to other locations like Rocketts Landing just southeast of the canal. Additional river front properties between the canal and Rocketts could be developed giving the city a rather unique riverfront attraction/experience. I’m thinking Downtown Disney / Universal CityWalk experience a la Richmond Riverfront.

    By the way, Richmond City Council and surrounding areas…You do know we do have a river flowing right through the city with literally NO attractions on it, other than historical ones…

    I’m sure all these ideas are engineering nightmares and expensive, however, it would be a rather cool complex… Your thoughts?

  6. Brett on July 30, 2010 9:24 am

    This is one of the best articles on here. Keep it coming!

  7. Brick Smith on July 30, 2010 9:54 am

    Never understood why the tour went beyond the turning basin … should stay beneath the Basin and Tredegar.

  8. Brick Smith on July 30, 2010 9:55 am

    beneath s/b between … oops

  9. john on July 30, 2010 10:03 am

    Ridiculous. The boats are supposed to go slow. They do not go by the electric substation nor under the plant. And Washington did design it..Did the writer even take the ride? Try it- you will like it.

  10. Terry on July 31, 2010 9:43 pm

    I’ve been on it, and it is good, but it could be so much better. In fact, it could be so much better that it breaks my heart. There’s so much natural potential. Have you ever been on San Antonio’s? Or Oklahoma City’s?

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