Richmond marijuana smoker and part-time would-be urban planner Ryan Pervue told reporters today that he had some seriously good ideas for returning Broad Street to its former glory and was also totally high right now.

“When you look at those few blocks of Broad downtown between Fifth Street and First or so, it’s obvious what the area needs are some new stores and stuff,” said the 23-year-old, reaching for his pot stash for the third time today. “And we need to get rid of all those people on the street just hanging around and not contributing anything to society.”

Added Purvue, holding out a freshly-rolled joint: “You want some, dude?”

The Virginia Commonwealth University history major – who is legally unemployed but earns nearly $800 a week tax-free through other means – cited a 2003 study from Harvard or some fuckin’ place like that, where it talked about, like, how to make places that are all disrepaired and empty and shit bounce back, and how that can be done with, like, private investments or whatever, and hey, hey bro, are you sure you don’t want a hit of this, dude you should try some, it’s from South America or some place like that.

Also, he astutely observed, when you think about it, Broad Street is like, okay so say the city is like a cell, well then Broad would be the nucleus because it’s like in the middle of everything, and so, if you think about it, maybe Richmond is like a big cell and there are a bunch of other cells and we’re all just part of an animal or something.

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Comments

5 Comments so far

  1. Chris on April 28, 2010 12:18 pm

    Dude…that was totally deep. It was really intense. Someone should really use this too, to like, do something about Broad Street, like they did to Willow Lawn, Laburnum by 64, Short Pump…what was I talking about, again?

  2. NewsFeeds 4.30.10 : Richmond BizSense on April 30, 2010 6:12 am

    [...] S-A-T-I-R-E Local Stoner Has Some Great Ideas For Cleaning Up Broad Street (Tobacco Avenue) Warning: Post is very funny but has foul language and drug references. Richmond marijuana smoker and part-time would-be urban planner Ryan Pervue told reporters today that he had some seriously good ideas for returning Broad Street to its former glory and was also totally high right now. [...]

  3. Stitch on April 30, 2010 8:22 am

    Maybe, if there are people somewhere, maybe out there, with, you know, some hibernating greenbacks, and they want to become part of the nuclei, you know, the center of the Richmond universe, perhaps Richmond, might be, you know, the epicenter of the Virginia galaxy, and they have a born-again initiative, then like, maybe my bro tokers would be allowed to like, you know, intercede like a millipede with the dudes with dough and we would could lose this inertia that creeps the streets and downtown Richmond could perhpas mirror something, you know, that’s massively utopian ala Short Pump. Can I get another light? You want a hit?

  4. james on April 30, 2010 12:52 pm

    Sorry, but I don’t see the point of glorifying illegal drug use. I don’t care if you think it should be legalized.

  5. Stephanie on April 30, 2010 1:56 pm

    Hey James,

    It’s called comedy. Get over yourself. They make fun of many aspects of Richmond: the mayor, the baseball team, etc. Let them make fun of the stoners, too. It’s not a freaking social statement. Chillaaaax bro!

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