May 04, 2009
Dozens of race fans were hospitalized on Saturday from the effects of sensory overload, succumbing to the unending sounds, sights, feels, smells and tastes of a NASCAR event, doctors said today.
Most of the 34 injured at Richmond International Raceway, VCU Medical Center neurologist Anthony M. Wilson III said, were felled by the near constant barrage of a day full of steadfast people-watching, drinking, food-eating and an array of various sounds, including both hooting and hollering, screaming and yelling, and more than 130 decibels blaring from 42 V-12 engines for nearly four straight hours.
“These patients were treated for a number of olfacory, aural, audiovisual and other neurological stimuli, all of which are experienced at heightened, sustained rates during a day-long tailgate and race,” Wilson said.
“Shit must have been off the hook,” he added.
One witness said she saw three men collapse at once near the start of the Crown Royal 400, after they were simultaneously bombarded with the sight of five fighter jets soaring overhead while listening to the ‘Star Spangled Banner,’ and drinking 16-ounce beers while staring at three women nearby in tube tops. The smell of a funnel cake also wafted through the air at the time, creating what VCU’s Wilson called a five-alarm sensatory overload.
“Really, considering all the things they were hearing, viewing, feeling, and smelling at the time, I don’t know how they didn’t drop even sooner,” racegoer Mary Ellen Blackwood said. “I wouldn’t be able to handle it, either.”
Speaking from his hospital bed, overloaded NASCAR fan A.J. Reinman said he felt lethargic late in the day while eating an Italian sausage and concurrently viewing a group of four men with mullets wearing sleeveless undershirts, as planes and helicopters flew overhead.
“I hope NASCAR officials do something to stop all the senses you feel and experience out there before someone ends up dead,” Reinman said. “With everything going on out there, it makes for a real dangerous mix. Takes my breath away even just thinking about it.”
Of those hospitalized, three were psychics who, in addition to having their other five senses overwhlemed, fainted after correctly determining the winner of the race before it began.
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Guy Who Lives Above 3 Monkeys Tired Of Asking Everyone To Keep It Down
Nick Cavalieri, who has lived in the apartment directly above 3 Monkeys Bar and Grill since November, is getting "more than fed up" with having to continuously tell his neighbors to be quiet, the 30-year-old said today.
"Monday through Sunday, I hear those guys partying pretty much every night," Cavalieri said. The University ...
Ha ha ha….that’s hilarious….
Minor quibble. NASCAR cars have V8s, not V12s. They also still use carburetors which most street and race cars haven’t used in 20 years or more. Keep up the good work.
Yeah get your facts straight in your satire. Don’t you know that getting all the facts straight make the satirical facts funnier?
Unless of course you don’t give a shit about all those little details and are just going for the laugh.