Richmond Mayor Dwight C. Jones is suffering from the highly-rare Benjamin Button Syndrome, a disease that makes him age in reverse and appear as though he is a 60-year-old man, when, in fact, he is only 12, doctors said this morning.

“Mr. Jones shows all the outward, physical signs of a man well into old age, but as the years go on, peoplejones1 are going to see him slimming down, jogging a bit faster, and one day becoming an incredibly handsome young movie star who attracts Hollywood’s leading and most attractive women,” said Virginia Commonwealth University’s Alan Rotikowski, a leading children’s physician who has been reviewing the mayor’s case for several weeks.  “Women will love him, and men will want to be him, but, alas, he will one day die as a baby with an old man’s dementia-ridden mind.” 

Jones is the only known person in the world afflicted with BBS, Rotikowski said.  

City officials expressed shock and confusion as to how they would cope with a leader who ages backwards, discussing plans for dealing with the difficulties that come with a 64-year-old teenager in less than four years.

“I don’t…I don’t…I just don’t understand,” said City Council President Kathy C. Graziano, who, like an overwhelming majority of the Earth’s 6.7 billion inhabitants, grows older as she ages.  “This certainly calls into question the mayor’s ability to lead this city to new heights and improve our schools, when he himself should only be in the seventh grade.”

Jones said he feels “pretty good” despite his rare diagnosis, though the findings shed new light on his favorite activities, such as playing with Lego blocks and climbing on the roof when mom isn’t looking, along with the recent discovery of hair under his armpits.

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Comments

13 Comments so far

  1. Anonymous on May 12, 2009 8:48 am

    you’re not funny or clever at all. how could he be mayor already? Stupid head

  2. Jeff on May 30, 2009 6:54 pm

    The previous comment was left by the mayor.

  3. James Roche on September 13, 2009 1:33 am

    dee dee dee deez nuts tast better than your rediculus ideas about life u deseve to die in the worst possible way. if anyone belives this crap please go donate your money to a charity and then kill yourself.

  4. a-trane on September 15, 2009 10:39 am

    The beauty of our Bill of Rights is that EVERYONE gets a voice, thank you for your comments James, now go finish listening to your new Kanye West CD.

  5. tiffany on November 2, 2009 4:05 pm

    Well this certainly paints a picure in my mind. Although I’ve done all the research I could and didn’t find any evidence that the disease exsist. I may be a 14 year old woman but I am not fooled by your stories. Now Polgeria is a real disease and I find it quit interesting. Genes that make up the human body are damaged, which causes the body to age faster than normal. If anyone can tell me the name of his Disease I might be able to research it, if not, then I does not exsist.

  6. samantha & jessica on February 17, 2010 7:03 pm

    Well i think all of you are entitled to your own opinions but james you are just a smart mouthed inconsiderate punk who needs his but spanked. I think that it could be possible for this to happen and why couldn’t you believe it and it is a real diseae tiffany i forget the name of it but i watched on tlc and this woman was born with it and thats pretty much all i have to say thanks have a great day.

  7. Sara on February 18, 2010 12:10 pm

    Benjamin Button Disease is a real Disease, better known as Scondrophytoephelia. My dad had it. You’re not funny to be making fun.

  8. Steve C on February 18, 2010 12:13 pm

    Okay, I’m no Tom Tancredo, but I’m kinda thinking that it might not be a bad idea for this site to have some sort of literacy test before one is allowed to post. For instance, when Tiffany says, “I does not exist,” is she questioning her own beingness (that is a word, right?)?
    And Samantha and Jessica team up to suggest that James should have his “but spanked.” A butt spanking may be more effective. And yes, Tiffany it is a real diseae. It’s been on tlc, so there.
    Or maybe I’m just being reduculus. Then again, maybe I does not exist either.

  9. Max on February 18, 2010 12:28 pm

    You people are all a bunch of retards.

  10. bcarr on February 18, 2010 12:30 pm

    OH MAI GAWD, ANON IS OUT IN FORCE TODAY, AMIRITE?

    Anon: go look up satire and come back when you’re booksmart.

  11. Max on February 18, 2010 12:30 pm

    Except you, Steve. And Jeff.

  12. Mandy on February 18, 2010 3:01 pm

    I donut understand all thwe fuss. This is the onluy news paper I read and I like it except Wilder is suppoesed to be the Mayor of Virgnia.

  13. Anonymous on January 18, 2011 1:36 am

    Scondrophytoephelia is not real. Look it up on any LEGITIMATE MEDICAL website and you can figure that out. However Progeria is “a rare, fatal, genetic condition of childhood with striking features resembling premature aging.” (http://children.webmd.com/progeria-hutchinson-gilford) is indeed real. It’s a rapid aging disorder.

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