December 19, 2008
May Or May Not, Who Knows: May Just Might
May 2:Richmond’s NBC12 takes weather-forecasting food technology to the next step, after its Arby’s WeatherNet radar begins beaming hot roast beef sandwiches into homes across the region.
May 5: Mayor L. Douglas Wilder defends his expensive eight-person security detail, saying their presence is required to protect him from the region’s swarm of deadly assassin teams.
May 6: The goddamned pollen is all over the goddamned place, is just re-goddamned-diculous, and is completely out of con-goddamned-trol, Henrico County resident Paul Wright reports.
May 10: Proving his sheer ultimate manliness above all other Richmond-born males, city resident Henry Chase Hager formally declares his dating prowess after marrying the daughter of the president of the United States.
May 12: Gas prices in Richmond rise to an average of one pound of ground beef, up from the previous high of a quart of milk.
May 13: Harold Jennings, 89, admits that he moved into his assisted living home strictly for the chicks.
May 14: A group of Fan residents sits around and wonders whether Retreat Hospital is a “regular” hospital or not.
May 15: Following the fourth toking of a marijuana pipe, two stoners ponder how funny it would be if popular North Side restaurant Kitchen 64 were called Kitchen 64 Plus 5.
May 16: Police Chief Rodney D. Monroe takes the same position in Charlotte, NC, declining Richmond’s offer of a year’s supply of Chipotle burritos should he decide to stay.
May 19: Council President Bill Pantele shows off the renovation of Jackson Ward’s Hippodrome Theater, then starts chuckling at how funny that name sounds.
May 22: Area dentist Pete Nelson tells you, while sitting in the dentist chair, that he’s “pretty certain” he knows what he’s doing.
May 23:Oil prices soar past $133 a barrel, a sign that the economy is resting on the verge of an uncontrollable clusterfuck of uncanny proportions.
May 27: NBC12 chief meteorologist Jim Duncan tells his younger colleagues to step aside, that he’s “got this one,” and proceeds to bring the Memorial Day weather forecast old school-style.
May 29: After seven-and-a-half weeks of running, local bug Earl Harper finally finishes the Monument Avenue 10K.
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Guy Who Lives Above 3 Monkeys Tired Of Asking Everyone To Keep It Down
Nick Cavalieri, who has lived in the apartment directly above 3 Monkeys Bar and Grill since November, is getting "more than fed up" with having to continuously tell his neighbors to be quiet, the 30-year-old said today.
"Monday through Sunday, I hear those guys partying pretty much every night," Cavalieri said. The University ...
