October 21, 2008
Background
Career: Formerly the leader of a local hip-hop group, Dwight C. “The Reverend” Jones is now a minister, is highly active in the
community, and – having aged a bit since his rapping days – is known by area residents as “Rev Slow Jog.”
Why he’s running for mayor: Though he enjoys being a minister, still gets pretty bored sitting in church pews all the time, so wanted to try something new.
Education: Attended the equivalent of one of today’s online universities, only, when he graduated in 1970, the computer school took up a whole entire room.
Interesting fact: Told Richmond.com he tends to be shy when in private, though you’d never know it by his affinity for belting out Broadway showtunes whenever in public.
Worst addiction: Late-night purchases from infomercials, mostly on several varieties of quick-cooking devices.
Number of times he cooks his own meals weekly: 0.
On The Issues
Education: Wants to make middle schools models of “innovation and creativity,” which is a phrase that requires a lot of innovation and creativity to make up.
Crime: Frequently discusses his plans on news stations by addressing gang members, drug dealers and deadbeat dads directly into the camera, curling lip upward, and slowly rolling up sleeves.
City Hall: Wants to restore fiscal responsibility to city government, with plans to call the first month of his administration, “Stand Up For Efficiency and Excellence.” However, the second month has been designated, “Now Sit Down and Shut Up.”
Economic development: Hopes to create incentives for companies to invest in Richmond, besides a free sandwich with every nine purchased at Jersey Mike’s.
Health care: Plans to build a downtown podiatric hospital to help sick children, but no one has the nerve to tell him he means to say, ”pediatric.”
Community involvement: As a minister, he has petitioned God to add three more hours to each day to extend his volunteering efforts.
EDITOR’S NOTE: See Bill Pantele’s profile here, Robert Grey’s profile here, and Lawrence Williams here. Unfortunately, Paul Goldman dropped out of the race today and supported Jones, which means our joke about Paul Goldman donning a gold cape, gold mask and going out into the night to fight crime as Goldman will never be used.
Comments
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Guy Who Lives Above 3 Monkeys Tired Of Asking Everyone To Keep It Down
Nick Cavalieri, who has lived in the apartment directly above 3 Monkeys Bar and Grill since November, is getting "more than fed up" with having to continuously tell his neighbors to be quiet, the 30-year-old said today.
"Monday through Sunday, I hear those guys partying pretty much every night," Cavalieri said. The University ...
Well, now that Goldman has dropped out, Jones is da’ man.
PS. I guess that wipes out the possibility of anymore Goldman bull riding or similar posts.