Tobacco Avenue

EDITOR’S NOTE: Leading up to the Nov. 4 election, Tobacco Avenue is profiling each of the five candidates for Richmond mayor.  Last week, you met Robert Grey.  This week, we learn a bit about Bill Pantele. -Randolph J. Strummer Jr., Editor & Publisher.

Background

Why he’s running for mayor: Drunken bet.

Education: Hampden-Sydney College, 1980.  This is important to note because, while he has outlined many positive changes to Richmond, he believes none of them apply to area alumni of archrival Randolph-Macon, “all of whom can go to straight to Hell.”

Views glass as: Always half full, but if the glass has milk in it, also with those black specks floating everywhere because he used the rest for Oreos.

Career: Attorney and president of City Council.  However, he says nothing gets him going like the feeling of putting on that good ole’ Neighborhood Safety Patrol sash n’ badge.

Age he learned correct pronunciation of last name: 32.

Favorite wedding dances: Anything, but refuses to do the chicken one or the Electric Slide.

On The Issues

Education: Wants to improve infrastructure of city schools, but admits doing so will be difficult since all of them are made of straw.

Crime: Hopes to deter criminal behavior with construction of 10-story high, $1.2 million blackboard, on which will be written names of bad guys when they do something wrong.

City Hall: First priority as mayor will be to kick Bill Pantele off City Council.

Services: Plans to remove all stoplights, curb all garbage trucks and put an end to the mass transit system in order to cut energy costs and reduce pollution.

Taxes: Promises to cut sales taxes and property taxes each by 100 percent, but admits he does not understand how taxes work.

Community involvement: “Oh man, do I hafta?”