August 07, 2008
Responding to the Richmond Times-Dispatch’s disclosure that at least $250,000 of personal income was missing from his public statement of assets, Richmond Mayor L. Douglas Wilder said yesterday that the unrecorded finances went toward the purchase of a sleek, black-armored Batmobile, and furthermore, he is Batman.
“There you have it. You
happy now? That money went to my Batmobile, and I stay up all night fighting crime,” the mayor said in a press conference, explaining that he paid $250,000 cash for the 500 horsepower, jet-engine propelled vehicle with 44-inch Super Swamper tires. “Now you see what I’ve been hiding: my secret identity is Batman.”
Richmond Commonwealth’s Attorney Michael Herring said Wilder could face charges for the billionaire playboy’s brand of “vigilante justice,” which has included a late-night eviction battle with the school board, continuous grappling with city council, “and this admittedly awesome thing Wilder did where, like, he flipped a semi-truck over by running a wire underneath it with his Batpod motorcycle. It looked so sweet.”
Wilder’s admission included the revelation that his 10-acre property and home in Charles City County also includes an underground cave, accessible through a secret door in a bookshelf that is unlocked only after playing the correct sequence of keys on a nearby piano, setting nearby clock hands to precisely 10:47, passing a urine test and voice recognition scan, and hitting a high C-note.
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