Tobacco Avenue

The next few weeks will be spotty ones for publishing on TA, so in heading into our summer vacation, we leave you with the Top 10 lowest-read stories of all time on this site. 

Now, now, we know what you’re saying: “Aren’t all your stories totally lame?”  Well, gosh, that’s a little harsh, don’t you think?  The following includes the biggest upsets, the most unfunny, funny-but-no-one-cared, stupid or just embarrassingly badly-done articles that we shoulda gotten a fourth, fifth or even fifteenth opinion on. 

This list starts from the 10th most unpopular and ends with the No. 1 story that bombed harder than [create your own analogy here...even throw it into the comments section below].

Enjoy.  If you possibly can. 

10. Fun Weekend Event: Ice “sport” at Coliseum.  Making fun of synchronized ice skaters?  Too easy?

9. Weekend weather forecast: So dry you could light a match on it.  We so wanted this one to work, but it did not whatsoever. 

8. Illegal immigrant life of Cinco de Mayo party.  OK now, seriously.  This one was clever.  Seeking to come to America for “kick ass partying opportunities?”  Gold Jerry, Gold!

7. Local dentist 99.9 percent sure he knows what he’s doing.   Would you want a dentist who “almost” knows what he’s doing playing around in there?  According to the hits on this one, apparently no one cares.

6. Kaine to use YouTube channel for information sharing, Diet Coke and Mentos tricks.  News of him starting a YouTube channel wasn’t as big as we’d planned, so this one tanked accordingly.  That Diet Coke and Mentos thing is pretty fun though, almost as much as taking oatmeal baths.

5. Local boxing kangaroos express opposition to animal fighting bill.  Now, we’ve still got faith in this one.  C’mon people!  Because like, everyone is opposed to animal fighting, and boxing kangaroos would be the only “people” who would not!  Get it?  Get it?  (Note to selves: If you have to explain your joke, it’s not funny.)

4. Oil prices soar on weak dollar, low supply as Lordy this topic is boring.  Too narrow an audience.  Or it just toally sucked.

3. Weekend weather forecast: well, that tired April showers saying rings true yet again.  We enjoyed doing fake weather forecasts, but they weren’t very popular.  After this one fell harder than a golf-cart size piece of hail, we never wrote any others ever again.

2. Fanboy friend uses every chance possible to remind you the fourth Indiana Jones comes out this week.  This story was worse than the fourth Indiana Jones movie.  Now that’s a good joke.

1. Cabinetless Teeny Little Super Guy found living in local soup kitchen.  We were going for nostalgia points, you know, with Sesame Street skits and all.  We were off by several hundred billion miles.

Now that that’s over and done with, Tobacco Avenue presents our No. 1 most-read story of all time:  Mispronunciation of dish at Mamma Zu results in service refusal, execution.  Funny because it’s true.

We’ll be seeing you “here and there” over the next few weeks.  Until those times: Eat It, and Eat It well.

Yours,

Randolph J. Strummer Jr.

Editor & Publisher