May 30, 2008
Heading to Friday Cheers this week? Whether you are a true Richmonder or newbie to the annual summer event on Brown’s Island, be sure to follow these simple guidelines to make the most out of your Friday evening:
Understand going into it that you will see your ex. If the breakup was bad, whisper “whore” or “asshole” under your breath as they walk by. However, should you encounter them and yours was an amicable separation, whisper “whore” or “asshole” under your breath as they walk by.
Beer lines get long fast, so be sure to get there at least a week in advance.
You may catch a sighting of two men or two women holding hands. It’s OK, really. They’re just gay. And that’s what gay people do.
Similarly, if you happen to catch a guy holding a girl’s hand, be careful. He’s definitely a homo.
The downtown skyline gets really pretty at night. The Federal Reserve is actually planning to add to that beauty this evening by draping a bikini-clad, 28-story banner of Jessica Alba down the building’s island-facing side.
Lots of people come to Friday Cheers who do not normally come into the city. Apparently, they are also unaware of basic hygiene strategies, fashion sense or the need for post-middle school education.
The Port-A-Johns are located on the island’s southwest corner, however, there is ample grass, water and shrubbery all over the place.
If you get hungry, there are stands that serve Polish or Italian sausage, Greek gyros or a variety of Chinese food. Thankfully, these ethnic groups are quarantined to the food-serving areas and not allowed anywhere else on the island.
You may bump into a local celebrity, which is cool. By the way, should you happen to bump into musician Susan Greenbaum, ask her why she hasn’t returned Matt Kinney’s emails, letters or phone messages and why she won’t wave back or acknowledge my presence outside her window at night.
Like any other island, this one is full of poisonous snakes, lush jungle, hot guys and a mysterious plotline that just never seems to end.
Friday Cheers is an event that is friendly for families. In fact, many inner-city children enjoy attending with both of their fathers.
That hot girl’s huge boyfriend is probably not here, you should definitely go up and talk to her and put your arm around her. I’ll be standing over here.
Comments
3 Comments so far
Guy Who Lives Above 3 Monkeys Tired Of Asking Everyone To Keep It Down
Nick Cavalieri, who has lived in the apartment directly above 3 Monkeys Bar and Grill since November, is getting "more than fed up" with having to continuously tell his neighbors to be quiet, the 30-year-old said today.
"Monday through Sunday, I hear those guys partying pretty much every night," Cavalieri said. The University ...
haha. well done sir.
Great post, just dribbled a wee bit of pee-pee
[...] Check out Tobacoo Avenue’s really funny post about Tips for Attending: Friday Cheers. RULE #1 is universal and can be said of any big Richmond event, including Greek Fest…. [...]