May 27, 2008
Hold up, guys. Tom, Andrew, wait a second. I know both of you are well accustomed to giving the morning, early afternoon and evening forecasts, but this isn’t one of those times.
It’s Memorial Day weekend, and people are counting on an experienced professional to give them the weather r
eport. We don’t need any dilly-dallying around up there on the set.
So just go sit in your dressing rooms for a few hours, boys: Jimmy D’s got this one. Time to bring it old school.
Thanks Gene, hope your vacation was great. We got a clipper system coming in from the northwest that will bring us showers on Saturday evening just in time for clear, sunny skies for your holiday.
BAM! See the way I did that? Just knocked more than 150,000 Richmonders flat on their asses with that line. What can I say, though. Been doing this for eons. This is, simply, how I roll.
Weather isn’t a kids’ game, fellas. Takes more than a degree in environmental sciences and a stroll across some fru-fru graduation stage. You can’t stand up here and say things like “high pressure will shift off shore” or “that summer-like heat will not last, as a cold front will be moving in late Tuesday” without knowing what it feels like to kill an Irishman with only an empty can of cashews in the back of his corner grocery.
Sorry, wait. No. Got a little carried away on that one. Forget I said anything.
But my point is, doing this day in and day out takes respect. Street cred. A solid pair, gentlemen. I been playing this number for years, know what I’m saying? Twenty-six of ‘em, going on double-10 plus seven. I been in the trenches since ’81, before you kids were even wearing diapers.
Especially you, Andrew. You look a bit younger than Tom there, but I could be wrong about that.
See, no matter how big some storm out there might be, I’ll crush it. Crush it. You come at me with thunder, Jimmy D will give you lightening. Hit me with hail, I’ll own your world with white-out conditions. Bring on the rain, I’ll give you a shitstorm.
Hold on a sec, guys, commercial break is over, back to the green screen.
Thanks Sabrina, love the new hairstyle. Well folks, looks like we’ll see a pretty big temperature reversal on Wednesday that will make it feel like early spring again outside, better take those lightweight jackets back out of the closets. As for thunderstorms, we will quickly alert you if any risky weather blows through here.
Boo-yah! Gained trust there, did you see that move, Tom? Told ‘em I’d be back if there was a major update. The people know that when Jimmy D stands up here, they got a brother who knows what he’s talking about. They know I’ve studied quantitative climate models since high school. They know I can tell them the difference between the meso- and synoptic- scale meteorology. They know I once strangled an Italian to the edge of death during my 4-year stint in prison and blankly stared into his eyes as he begged mercilessly for me to loosen my grip.
Wait, sorry. Not many people know about that one. Just keep that little story to yourselves.
Look gents, this ain’t a country club. To be on the weather, you gots-ta own the weather, know what I’m saying?
Years ago, I ran this town. Then came 6 and 8. They took over their piece of this city. But I made my presence known that no CBS or ABC weather-Nancyboys was going to take me down. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that jet streams over the Atlantic, cold fronts from the northeast or air quality thresholds for DEQ aren’t just handed to you. You have to take it, like the life of some Pole who thought, if only for a second, that he was better than you.
Yikes. Sorry about that one. Just listen to the weather parts of what I’m saying.
By the way: Crazy how we got two guys named Gene on the set, ain’t it, boys?
Comments
Guy Who Lives Above 3 Monkeys Tired Of Asking Everyone To Keep It Down
Nick Cavalieri, who has lived in the apartment directly above 3 Monkeys Bar and Grill since November, is getting "more than fed up" with having to continuously tell his neighbors to be quiet, the 30-year-old said today.
"Monday through Sunday, I hear those guys partying pretty much every night," Cavalieri said. The University ...
