May 20, 2008
Last week I announced that I would not run for re-election in November, as I plan on gracefully sliding into retirement at my Charles City County home. For those of you keeping track, that last sentence contained three “I’s” and two “my’s.” Five first-person references in a single sentence. I’m starting to impress myself, not that I d
on’t do so on a daily basis already.
Which leads me to my main point: Had I chosen to run for re-election, I would have inevitably had to admit failure in November, then stand before you and concede that I had been defeated. No way, partner. This way, I shall remain victorious.
If I ran, you could see the headlines now: “Insert name here defeats Wilder.” Or, “Wilder overthrown.” By knowing that the election would have been about me losing – and having this understanding ahead of time – I’ve avoided such statements. Therefore, on Election Day, I’ll become the opposite of whatever “overthrown” is.
“Wilder undercaught,” the papers will say. I’ll win yet again.
Simply put folks, I cannot be defeated. Can’t overemphasize that enough.
You may recall a few years back during my 2004 campaign, (which I refer to as a campain, considering how much of it I inflicted on my opponents). After their own crushing defeats by me, I realized I never wanted to experience such shameful feelings of loss. When you’re elected mayor by such an insanely popular vote (keyword: insane), you get a lot of things. Name and face recognition. A big security entourage. When I go to Ukrop’s, someone takes the grocery bags out to my car.
I’d lose all that on Nov. 8, after I voluntarily, willingly and another word for “voluntarily” hand over my title to someone new, without even thinking twice about it.
Now you may ask yourself, “Hey, isn’t all this coming from the same guy who lost us Richmond Braves baseball and afterward became exceedingly unpopular?” Think about your words there, son. The Braves were unpopular to begin with. I did us a favor by letting them go, then telling you the city would see baseball again. Clearly I won that battle, and now the task for bringing baseball back to Richmond is in the hands of the next mayor. And if he or she can’t do that, who will be the loser then?
And why, you continue to ask, have I announced my intentions to not run – and therefore not lose – directly after the guy I named chief of police leaves Richmond for Charlotte? I’ve heard some people say that me and Chief Monroe didn’t get along. Nothing’s farther from the truth. He left, and I’ve simply decided that, for the next mayor to be as good as I was, that person should be able to find a top-notch Top Cop, which is another huge accomplishment that I made in 2005.
It’s yet another example of how everything I do is looking out for the best interests of my constituents.
In closing, I leave you with a quote from a great man who once said, “If the government doesn’t stand up for the people, no one will.” Well folks, I am that government, and at age 70-something, I’m still standing.
By the way, who was the man who gave that rousing statement? It was me, of course. A winner in every aspect of the word.
Gosh, I love the sweet taste of victory.
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