Tobacco Avenue

So I’m on my way to the stone wheel industry trade show in Miami, and as I’m riding along on the movable sidewalk at the airport, minding my own business, my eye catches a billboard for GEICO and its really condescending tagline, “So Easy a Caveman Could Do It.” 

What gives?  Switching insurance companies is a no-brainer, and I’m really tired of the stereotype that we can’t figure out how to do so. 

I will admit, however, that the Sudoku book I bought later that morning has been incredibly complex to learn.  A real brain tickler, you might say.

After that little episode with the airport billboard (I am considering writing the boneheads in charge at GEICO to demand an apology, perhaps over a plate of roast duck with mango salsa), I sat down to wait for my plane.  I had about an hour to hang, so I planned to do some Sudoku and listen to my iPod. 

What, you don’t think cavemen have iPods? 

See, that’s just the kind of generalization I’m trying to counter. 

It is really, really frustrating.  Almost as frustrating as trying to fill in the 9×9 grid with numbers so that each column and row has the digits one through nine in them, and only once.  Argh!

Look, I want to work with you, I really do.  Let’s both agree on something.  Cavemen listen to iPods.  And switching to GEICO is easy.  I pull out a cell phone - yes, we have those too - and just call 1-800-947-AUTO.  Fifteen minutes later, and BAM! I’ve just saved 15 percent or more on car insurance.  You know what though?  I just screwed this thing up again.  I didn’t realize the 3×3 boxes can only conain the one-through-nine just one time each, just like the rows and columns. 

Not cool.  Not.  Cool.

The complexity of these puzzles really gets to me.   I mean, we were the first ones to walk upright.  To discover fire.  To - hello? - invent the wheel.  Modern marvels, right?  And yet, for the life of me, I can’t figure out the mathematical logic behind Sudoku. 

I’m just so sick of this.  It’s so hard.

Wait a minute.  That’s it.  I think I’ve come up with a tagline for the game.  “Sudoku: So Hard, Not Even a Caveman Can Do It.”  See?  That is a truthful statement.  Unlike how those guys at GEICO portray us.  Not to mention those advertising “creatives” who immediately typecast all cavemen in one fell, multi-million dollar ad campaign swoop.  Real creative.  Making a joke at someone else’s expense.

Yes, we are people too.  And we have feelings.

I’m going to get right on my Sudoku tagline idea right after the trade show in Miami.  I’ve got plans to go to a really chic rooftop party while I’m down there.  And a little birdy told me that Tina will be in attendance. 

Who knows, maybe we’ll get back together.