March 25, 2008
Reporters at Tobacco Avenue have gone on strike in a move that has ceased operations at the Richmond-based fake news Web magazine for an unknown period of time, the publisher said today.
In an announcement made early this morning, union officials said they were unable to come to terms on a contract between Tobacco Avenue and the Satire Writers of America Guild Local 2208.
“We tried to give them an inch, but they demanded yards, and sometimes entire meters,” said Randolph J. Strummer Jr., editor and publisher of the cheaply-done, localized rip-off of The Onion that thinks it is just sooooo darn funny.
Strummer, the SWAG said, has earned thousands of dollars poking fun at area happenings, public officials and the concept of news itself with “hey did you ever notice”-style observational musings, exploitation of stereotypes, sophomoric humor and making jokes typically at the 
expense of others. The union said it is paid with flowers, stuffed animals and more hours on the job.
“Sure, there’s good stuff from time to time. The execution at Mamma Zu was our biggest hit. These new headline-only pictures get high views and quick laughs. And we deserve more for that,” said reporter and SWAG chairwoman Harriet Bowen. “Then you’ve got this other [stuff] we publish, like, did anyone read the thing on the boxing kangaroos supporting the state’s animal-fighting bill? These weekend weather forecasts he makes us do every Friday? No, not a soul. Strummer sucks. He’s lazy, he drinks way too much beer, and he makes a living thinking he’s the funniest thing since sliced bread, which isn’t all that funny except for potato bread. Is it really made from potatoes?”
Added Bowen: “Until he can pay us more to take this thing up a notch, we quit.”
Strummer said he would work his hardest to resolve the labor dispute, but he was currently working his way through a bag of Blazin’ Buffalo and Ranch Doritos and watching a TiVo’d episode of NBC’s “Medium.” The editor said he would report back as early as next week but as late as never to give an update on contract negotiations.
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